this holy longing

[bleodswean]

 the unwavering stare:  self-portrait, skull, Hasselblad remote, my father's watch, tree of knowledge

Welcome to my Sticky Post. A first for me in over twenty-three years of (live)journaling, but it seems like today’s journalers are more discerning. I don’t do Tumblr, or X, or IG, or Facebook / Meta, or TikTok. And sadly, I don’t really do LJ any longer as I can’t get the cross posting to work. In 2022, I made a dedicated effort to commit to DW and here we are. It ain’t the glory daze of olde, but I’m coming to terms with that. Every few months I will fall into a despair-like need to lament those long-gone LJ times and then it’s out of my system and we’re onward and upward. Although this is happening less and less as I move further and further downstream in the River of Life.

I have no friending policy. I read the flist every morning and comment as much as I can before work starts. I’m interested in almost all things and all folx. If I’m not interested, I won’t make a scene, because I’m not interested in drama. Been there, done that.

I’m a professional photographer by trade. Semi-retired now. Although it seems I'm shooting more weddings and babies lately than I have in a long time. I'm currently compiling a work of Serious Children portraits.

We run a family business. We live in a gorgeous hand-built home, on many forested acres, in a small mountain village in Northern California. Military brat and I’ve traveled the world and moved every three years of my minor days. English and Philosophy major, dropped out to manage a Tower Records import section. Spent the 80’s mohawked and living a very downtown alternative life. Spent the 90’s and 00’s raising children off the grid and living a very nature-based alternative life. LOL.

I do write and have published short fic and flash fic and poetry (and will make it a point to create a link post for my original work soon!). I also write fanfic and have some fic over at A03. I dabble in fandoms, wait to become obsessed before I write and read for a fandom and that seems to happen a couple few times every year. That being said, I do have a personal fandom I write in continuously - a modern dress Persephone / Hades. It's a myth that I've been working with for decades. 

Music IS the soundtrack to my life and an important part of my days. I’ve been listening to Nick Cave since 1982 when I bought my first Birthday Party album. I still listen to him today. He is my musical muse. I also listen to a lot of darkgrass and folk, Van Morrison, Bob Dylan, Swans, Beefheart, and Cameron Winter.

I’ve been reading voraciously since I was 10 years old when I contracted rheumatic fever and a librarian sent home The Narnia Chronicles to keep me company in my sickbed. Now I read: Cormac McCarthy *genuflect*, AS Byatt, DH Lawrence, TS Eliot, Joyce Carol Oates, William Faulkner, Jack Kerouac, Mary Oliver, David Whyte, Brian Evenson, and all things folk & fairy tale.

I’m older than most of you, younger than some. I’m finding myself here less and less and that’s disappointing, but a natural attrition, I suppose.

Merry Met!

ETA:  In July of 2024, the Park Fire destroyed 2/3rds of the mountain village of Cohasset, California; I have spent the past year helping my friends and neighbors - survivors - tell their stories.

Comments

[wpadmirer]

Sounds like you've had a very interesting life, and that you live in a good place and have a good head space.

I'm sporadic with journaling these days because I have a contract for three mystery novels, and the first came out this year, so I've been making speaking appearances and going to conferences to promote the book. So between that and my half-time job, and my HR work at the rock gym I belong to - my LJ and DW journal (which are identical) have been woefully sparse.

I have read all the writers you like, but I'll admit that I'm not a huge fan of any of them. They're all wonderful writers, but I crave some lightness to my reading - so I go with the slightly less dark Walker Percy, Robert Stone, and Harry Crews.

My books echo some of Harry and Walker Percy because they're very Southern (as am I).

It's interesting what each of us finds firing our synapses.

I live with a professional photographer who does digital freelance work, but has always made his own art work the focus of what he does professionally. His work tends to be dark, as he's a questioning soul with a deep desire to start conversations.

His photographic influences are all very dark types. And yet, one of the reasons I fell in love with him is because he's incredibly funny.

[dadi]

<3

[liriaen]

Ah, wonderful sticky!! If we weren’t friends yet, I’d glomp you now!
Ah, I’ll glomp you no matter what for good measure.

[bleodswean]

*glomps * My Sticky Post is working!!! ;)

[bleodswean]

backatcha!

[bleodswean]

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such fantastic convo!

I totally understand how busy you are and how blessed that must feel! I'm here cheering you and your writing on!

I do understand that my preference in all things art is dark. But Crews?!? He's pretty dark! We used to pass copies of The Gospel Singer around at shows just to keep him relevant and then Exene went and named her grrl band after him!

I read so much SouthernGoth and should share some of my "shelvies"! Faulkner is a biggie for me and I should have mentioned him! *runs back to edit* Have you read Nick Cave's And the Ass Saw the Angel?

What great comments about your partner! My art photography is my hobby work, my pro work is people!

[used_songs]

I always forget how much I like Swans. Thanks for reminding me!

[dr_zook]

Yay, a sticky!! (Have you already declared it as a sticky, so it stays on top of your page? I'm just asking because I don't see the little golden star indicating it.)

♥

[bleodswean]

Hmmmmm....I followed the link you posted and did what it said! It does say Sticky which I didn't write! Thanks for the help, bb!

[bleodswean]

Yesssssssssssssssssssss!!! And Angels of Light! And Skin! And any Gira product, really.

[dr_zook]

It's not like I really know how these things work, haha! I'll just check your site after your next post and stop now confounding you more than necessary. :*

[wpadmirer]

Harry's work is pretty dark, but it's very Southern. I was a student of his who became a friend and spent time with him until his death. The whole Southern Gothic thing strikes me as odd, because it's just Southern. The culture here is full of darkness, but also full of laughter - at the dark. It's a part of who we are.

Yeah, I know about Exene. I was amused. Harry's favorite book he ever wrote was NAKED IN GARDEN HILLS. My favorite is THE HAWK IS DYING. And the man could write nonfiction as well, CLIMBING THE TOWER is an essay he wrote. It fucking rocks hard. It's in the collection CLASSIC CREWS. His autobiography, A CHILDHOOD - THE BIOGRAPHY OF A PLACE is brilliant.

Walker Percy is another Southern writer. His work just blows me away. THE SECOND COMING (which is not religious at all) is probably the best book I ever read.

I have not read Nick Cave's work. I'll have to check it out.

Speaking of dark and funny, have you ever read Christopher Moore? The Stupidest Angel is my favorite by him. I laughed my ass off all the way through it.

[mallorys_camera]

You are already Myyyyy Friendddd, and every time I see a post from you, I get wayyyy excited! 😀

[used_songs]

I love Christopher Moore! I never see anyone talk about him, but his books are great.

[kizzy]

♥

[bleodswean]

Crews was such a gifted writer and you were lucky to know him on that level. I'm always surprised that he isn't better read!

I will try Walker Percy!

Yes, I know and enjoy Moore! Very funny.

[bleodswean]

Haha! I acquiesce to your far vaster knowledge than mine, m'dear!

[bleodswean]

*licks*

[wpadmirer]

He is one of my favorites. I adore his work.

[wpadmirer]

The "Southern Gothic" tag can really put a book into a ghetto where certain people won't read it. They think it's beneath their intellectual level. I know, I've talked to those assholes.

Walker Percy is odd and wonderful, and I hope you love him as much as I do. He didn't live a long life, so there's only a handful of books - but they're great.

[bleodswean]

I've never heard SouthernGoth be disparaged before!!! This is fascinating. I wonder if it's a deep south thing! Why do you think some believe that this genre is beneath them intellectually? Subject matter? I get that a lot of readers preferred more refined topics, but all my time in academia no one ever suggested that these writers weren't intellectual powerhouses because they certainly were and are. O'Connor, Faulkner, Williams, McCarthy?!?! These are epically brilliant writers. I'm flummoxed.

[wpadmirer]

There's a weird snobbery I've crossed paths with more than once. It tends to be people who think Southerners are all hicks and idiots. So they've never really read it. It gets classified as Southern, but it's NOT Faulkner (who for some reason gets cred when others don't), and therefore isn't worth their time trying to read it.

I've never figured out why Faulkner is the exception. Maybe because his time period is a little further back? I don't know.

Southerners don't disparage it. Most of them (like me) don't understand why people call it "Gothic." No one calls the New Englanders Gothic and Lord knows they are!

[bleodswean]

Oh, there is a genre referred to as New England Gothic. It is a literary term and has pretty clear defining edges and all these authors and so many more, especially in the short genre, can easily be classified within those edges! It's not an insult! It's a genre!

Faulkner is so insanely brill! But I do believe that McCarthy has him beat in both brains and work. It's a pity that he really only penned four SouthernGoth novels. Although his last offering is an homage to The Sound and the Fury.

[wpadmirer]

See, I've never heard that. None of the New Englanders I know (nor any of my literature teachers) ever used that term.

Faulkner is certainly good. But I will admit that I like my contemporary writers more. (Not that his stuff is that old, but it's older than Walker Percy.)

[bleodswean]

Hawthorne? Poe?

The issue is more that other writers who fall into a Gothic genre are individuals whereas the Southern contingent is so overly large and recognizable...they really are a genre geographically speaking! But the subject matter is so narrow!