bleodswean

the unwavering stare: self-portrait, skull, Hasselblad remote, my father's watch, tree of knowledge

Welcome to my Sticky Post. A first for me in over twenty years of journaling, but it seems like today’s journalers are more discerning. I don’t do Tumblr, or twitter, or IG, or Facebook / Meta. And sadly, I don’t really do LJ any longer as I can’t get the cross posting to work. In 2022, I made a dedicated effort to commit to DW and here we are. It ain’t the glory daze of olde, but I’m coming to terms with that. Every few months I will fall into a despair-like need to lament those long-gone LJ times and then it’s out of my system and we’re onward and upward.

I have no friending policy. I read the flist every morning and comment as much as I can before work starts. I’m interested in almost all things and all folx. If I’m not interested, I won’t make a scene, because I’m not interested in drama. Been there, done that.

I’m a professional photographer by trade. Semi-retired now. Although it seems I'm shooting more weddings and babies lately than I have in a long time. I'm currently compiling a work of Serious Children portraits.

We run a family business. We live in a gorgeous hand-built home, on many forested acres, in a small mountain village in Northern California. Military brat and I’ve traveled the world and moved every three years of my minor days. English and Philosophy major, dropped out to manage a Tower Records import section. Spent the 80’s mohawked and living a very downtown alternative life. Spent the 90’s and 00’s raising children off the grid and living a very nature-based alternative life. LOL.

I do write and have published short fic and flash fic and poetry (and will make it a point to create a link post for my original work soon!). I also write fanfic and have some fic over at A03. I dabble in fandoms, wait to become obsessed before I write and read for a fandom and that seems to happen a couple few times every year. That being said, I do have a personal fandom I write in continuously - a modern dress Persephone / Hades. It's a myth that I've been working with for decades.

Music IS the soundtrack to my life and an important part of my days. I’ve been listening to Nick Cave since 1982 when I bought my first Birthday Party album. I still listen to him today. He is my musical muse. I also listen to a lot of darkgrass and folk, Van Morrison, Bob Dylan, Swans.

I’ve been reading voraciously since I was 10 years old, contracted rheumatic fever and a librarian sent home The Narnia Chronicles to keep me company in my sickbed. Now I read: Cormac McCarthy *genuflect*, AS Byatt, DH Lawrence, TS Eliot, Joyce Carol Oates, William Faulkner, Jack Kerouac, Mary Oliver, David Whyte, Brian Evenson, and all things folk & fairy tale.

I’m older than most of you, younger than some. I’m finding myself here less and less and that’s disappointing, but a natural attrition, I suppose.

Merry Met!

Happy St. Paddy's and happy anniversary to me! I love this holiday; I adore this day. I’m Irish American to the core and proudly serve corned beef and cabbage, string glittery shamrocks and four-leaf clovers throughout the house and decorate with all manner of leprechauns. Drink Irish coffees and Nutty Irishman and Guinness, bake shortbread in clover themed molds, and wear the green. We will be listening to what’s pretty much on regular rotation here anyway – the Pogues, the Dubliners, Van Morrison, Lisa O’Neill, and many other trad Irish musicians.

We also watch Darby O’Gill and the Little People and last night, after a delightful hour and a half of folkloric Ireland I asked myself why more people haven’t seen that Disney gem. Have you? It’s on the Disney channel and YouTube. This movie is a hoot, but it’s also really really well done. It’s credited with introducing the leprechaun to America in 1960, when it was released. It’s timeless and delightful, laugh out loud funny, poignant, and perfectly in keeping with Irish folktales. I recommend it!

Not much in other news. I know I’ve been quiet. I’m still reading the flist, just not posting at the moment. Springtyde is around the corner! I hope the season brings trembling growth and flowery abundance!

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Steady rain now. After the “blizzard”. Ahem. That was the extent of it. Blink and you would’ve missed it. I’m thinking we are done with our allotment of snow for the season. But the rain is welcomed and I sure wish I had more plants in the ground to benefit from it all. The reservoirs – we have manmade lakes here, dammed rivers – are all to capacity and waterfalls are a sight to see as the spillways are opened to release the overabundance of water. Drought is a cyclical thing in Northern California. All of this water means growth which then, as Nature intended, becomes fuel for wildfires in a few years’ time when the water becomes scarce, and everything dries out. It’s almost as if there were a Plan.

Sharon Blackie featured AG Slatter on her substack last week, so I picked up The Briar Book of the Dead. It’s a fast, easy read with some nice highlights and enough literary magic to convince the reader to overlook the sillier bits and the farfetched bobs. I never know what audience is intended for such outings. It’s not really adult fare but its not young adult either. Sometimes, I’m tempted to put things like this in the category of “amateur” or “immature”, but I suppose that’s using far too precise an instrument to measure with. It is entertaining and thought-provoking and works as a kind of tale. Too specific to be a Fairy Tale but too broad to be a great novel. I recommend it, though, in spite or despite.

Nothing to watch. I’m knitting and sewing rabbits. I usually am knee-deep in St. Paddy’s prep by now, but this year it’s just D and I and my mother. It is our anniversary, so we will be celebrating and enjoying corned beef and cabbage, but I’m not going over the top with décor and dessert. Easter, of course, is early and that’s become the focus of the month.

After much contemplation and an over abundance of staring at old photographs of my face, I made an appointment with my hair girl, she’s a true artist, and left her studio yesterday with a full, heavy blunt fringe. It’s been a long time, but I’m very happy with it and I do believe that bangs are the best look for my face. When I wasn’t OLD, I wore a severe baby bang with long, long hair and I loved it, and it was edgy and worked well for me. We shall see how long I can maintain this. I get lazy about regular bang trims but this time I’m feeling motivated. Looking 60 in the eye is motivating me in a lot of ways. I want Time to be my friend.

My plan to work on our Talk Shop comm was waylaid two weeks ago by family drama. It must seem that I’m trapped in a filthy sea of drama drama drama. And I think…for the past few years, I have been. The trick is to figure out how to get the hell out of this mire. I’m utterly exhausted mentally / emotionally from this current round. My mother is at the center of it but relies entirely on me to be her shoulder, her ear, her counsel, and her partner in outrage. D is beginning to push back on this. He no longer wants to hear a single word (complaint) about anyone in my family of origin. No “up and outing” as they say in the biz. And, fair enough. However, that pretty much leaves me without anyone I can talk to about my mother and my sisters. I do know, after this last blowout, that my East Coast sister is where so much of this unpleasantness is originating. The question is why. Why is she doing this? All of it is pretty damned abusive, too. In my family, it’s an impossibility to have a calm, cool, productive conversation regarding issues because people FUCKING FLY off the handle and verbal / emotional / mental violence follows. It’s terrible and I do fear it. Not so much for me, I’m pretty thick-skinned and I can see that this RAGE is coming from a place of pain (although I have zero idea of what has caused these wounds) but my mother cannot tolerate attacks at all, and I worry about serious consequences if this continues. Last Friday evening was the first time in my life where I had the phone to my ear, my East Coast sister was screaming at me about things that are not any of her business, and I looked across the room out the window at the dying light and could actually envision a future in which I no longer have any relationship whatsoever with these two sisters – East Coast and local. I could actually see it and there was no pain, no remorse, just utter and complete peace. It felt like a breakup that’s been a long time coming….just nothing left between two people. Goodbye, I wish you well.

Bah.

Anyway. I’m crafting and reading fairy tales in honour of Fairy Tale Day last week. We are predicted a MAJOR storm through the weekend and woke at 4 a.m. with it already moving in. Battening down the hatches, filling containers with water, and enjoying Mother Nature. Hope all of you are well. I WILL return to our comm plans and hope to usher it in with the springtyde.

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I’m getting so much encouraging feedback on the idea of a writers group. To distil it, we need a dedicated community here on DW, we need a small staff of volunteers who can run it, the goal being making jobs the right sized so that the mods can also play. We want to balance posts between shop talk and sharing writing. The writing may be prompt-based or pieces that members are working on. The intention of sharing being constructive criticism, learning how to give it and how to receive it. The shop talk aspect is all about the nuts and bolts of writing as a skill and craft that can be practiced to improvement!

So, we need volunteers to volunteer. And those of you who simply don’t have the ability to mod, that’s perfectly fine, but we need you to participate and encourage your flist to join in!

In the meantime.

Cold and rainy here. With wind gusts. The snow has been washed away. We still can get more snow before the seasons turn again but I’m happy with so much water. We need it here, the reservoirs need it, the valley farmers and orchards need it. There is massive amounts of snow up higher and we need that too. At least it’s wintery and that makes me content. My heart purrs happily when seasons are seasonal.

Stumbled upon a truly intriguing show last night – The Lost Room. I’m only two episodes in but the writing is TIGHT and is working seamlessly like a Stephen King or Neil Gaiman outing. Of course, it could all go to hell sooner than later, but I’m here for it.

I’m still reading Jungian style fairy tale analysis. Something is germinating deep in the skull loam and perhaps springtime will draw it up and into the light.

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Woo-hoo!!!

We are small but we are mighty! We want to write, we want to talk about writing, we want to read each other’s work and we most definitely want to create something between us that is about the ART&CRAFT of writing!

This is wonderful! And, at least for me, very inspiring.

But. How. Now we must consider the actual nuts and bolts of making this happen on this platform. In the olden days we could just toss up a community and it would be populated. Not so much now. Now we have to make certain that all the bells and whistles are in place, shiny and ringing out before we launch. We must take the dangerous blindfolded first step wherein we assume that we will have a group of people who want to commit, pig-style, to the project. You know how commitment is like ham and eggs? The pig is committed the chicken is involved.

Who wants to be the pigs?

I’m serious. I’m in, obviously, but this is bigger than me. We need a community – name ideas? We need a crew of moderators who also want to play! We need to build this party bus and then invite everyone aboard and take off.

Our list of question / answer topics has grown.

Length
Genre
Plot bunnies, prompts
Diversity and representation
Research
Tense & POV, narrative voice
Dialogue, tags, narrating what someone said
Design boards, mindmapping
Character sheets, exposition, arcs
Telling vs showing
Writing software, story boarding
3 act structure vs other structures
Rough draft, best times to edit, final edit, self-editing vs beta editing
style guides and grammatical norms, punctuation
Openings and endings
Worldbuilding
Books about writing, online resources
Alternatives to Conventional Publishing

This is a strong list and could generate huge conversations. For example: When we want to discuss “plot bunnies and prompts” we elaborate with “What makes you want to write? What prompts your Muse into the desire to create with words? What is a prompt to you? A snatch of lyrics? A photo? A painting? An overheard bit of dialogue? We are all impelled in some way or another to sit down and write. Drilling down deeper will help us learn what our personal promptings are and how to use them to add to our practice. What makes YOU want to write a scene? A character? A story??”

So, the only way forward is through. Do we want to set forth? (Where on that list do we discuss metaphor and analogy and mixed analogies?? LOL!)

We’ve been talking about talking about writing for a while now. Between us, the amount of words we’ve written is, well staggering. We should be able to talk about writing, ask questions, get answers, share tips and advice and links, educate and encourage. We can inspire and be the rising tide. We can also have fun and WRITE. I know all of us want to get feedback on our writing. Some want concrit, some don’t. All want to be read, though, and receive some sort of positive reinforcement. We can do that!

So, talking shop is about commitment. As is the learning the craft of writing. Even if we start small – fifteen minutes becomes thirty. Thirty becomes an hour. One hour becomes the morning.

I believe that writing is a practice in which the writer gets better at it and from which we all benefit – writer and reader. Do you believe that writing is something that can be improved with a dedication?

That’s your first question / answer!

Here’s some thoughts about building a writing group:

The list of things we can talk about in regard to writing is probably kind of endless. However, we need to start somewhere. With the question part of the answering. The bits that will inspire discussions. I’m going to list some of the topics that come to mind, please read over them, and come up with your own and tomorrow we will discuss the nuts and bolts of how a Talk Shop Writing Comm can best work.

Length
Tense & POV
Dialogue, tags, narrating what someone said
Plot bunnies, prompts, ‘ships
Books about writing
Design boards, mindmapping
Character sheets, exposition
Telling vs showing
Writing software, story boarding

I feel with an international collection of people, every other day is best for posting because that gives folks a chance to respond and get feedback before the next question.

Is it better to do this in a community and have responses contained within a single post? Or is it better to respond in your own journal and invite others to respond there?

Writing is writing. Whether it’s original, or poetry, or memoir, or fanfic. I don’t think we need to limit ourselves to genre.

Think about what sort of form a writing comm should take that would suit you and others and inspire conversation and, eventually, writing. These are all things we should discuss TOMORROW!

Snow! And it’s so beautiful and my favourite and oh oh oh! Thor and I took a walk just as the sun was rising this morning and it was truly AWEsome. It snowed all day yesterday and today it’s 34 degrees, so everything is frozen and still and my heart is singing a wintery song.

Power came back on sometime in the night Tuesday. Interestingly enough, about ten minutes before the 48-hour mark after which PGE has to start shelling out the refunds. Hmmm…Just sayin’. I was, of course, relieved to have it back on. Working with the genny can be exhausting. I’ve got to find a way to convince D we need to get some electrical work done and then invest in a whole house generator. I will say that these battery-powered candles are amazing, light a room, and can be read by!

Here’s a pic of our dogwood grove. These are quite large, about twenty feet high.

And I’ve taken to picking up windfallen “boughs” and bringing them inside. Whenever I go thrifting with my mother, I spend some time in the glass aisle and the vases that can be brought home for under a dollar are pretty wonderful. I’ve found some treasures. Now I have vases of pinery throughout the house.

Also, I did the thing. It was pricey and I had to squelch a minor panic moment, but it’s been here two weeks now and we have become skilled with pulling shots and this has been an utterly fantabulous investment. D drinks two Americanos and I have two lattes every morning and we are the proverbial pigs in ___________.

I’ve been busy with weather and such and will return to the draft I’m working on about the craft of writing and how we can create community around talking shop. Hope you all are well!

annavere has piqued my interest with their desire for a journaling “question and prompt” that’s focused on the talking shop aspect of writing. I think this might well be the way into the conversation that I know myself and many of you are wanting to have here on DW. There’s absolutely no reason why such a dialogue should be limited to fanfic or original. Writing is writing. I know it’s rewarding to be able to dig deep into creative endeavors with other like-minded folk and that’s one of the things that makes fandom so energizing. But the craft of writing can be what creates that familiar feeling. I’m working on a post about all of this.

In the meantime, we have no power. California’s infrastructure is falling to pieces. I think, in many ways, this ageing of infrastructure, culture, traditions is what’s affecting the health of this country. We are in malaise and disease is creeping in because of our ill health. So, massive, unsettling wind / rainstorm raged throughout the weekend. The roar of the ocean in the treetops. Yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like here two hundred and seven miles from the sea. Tried to sleep through it Sunday night but one begins to wonder where in the house it would be best to bed down away from windows and beneath strong beams. Power out just after we laid down and welp. They are saying late this evening or even tomorrow. They want to get it on before 48 hours passes because then they have to pay pay pay and they don’t care for that. I don’t need a handout for my spoilt food, I just want to flick a switch and have the fucken thing work. This morning, rising at 3:30 to get the menfolk off to work put me in mind of days of past. I know where things are, I can live with candlelight, I can navigate my home and get my day started. It was reassuring. But we needed modern conveniences, so I had to follow D down to the shop and get the generator running. I wish he would get serious about a whole house generator that’s hardwired into the system.

Anyway. Today I have to drive my mother’s 4Runner to the tire shop because she’s got a slow leak. D found a nail in the tire. And the spare is flat. It’s frustrating how dependent she is. And I’m not complaining, just taking notes for my own life.

D’s mother is on the mend, but jail broke herself out of rehab. Of course. There was never going to be a scenario in which she could be in a facility longer than three nights. And that’s what she lasted. Now she is in D’s baby sister’s garage apartment which is pretty perfect for her. Of course, sister had a complete breakdown Sunday night and boy-howdy I get it. Not sure how long this arrangement will last, but for now it’s working. I don’t see how she can go back home for a while. I just don’t. But…D and I had about a hundred dollars’ worth of Salt&Straw ice cream delivered to all of them. I’m sure we will head down one day this coming weekend.

True Detective is bad. Just simply bad. There’s so little to hang one’s interest onto and I sure wish they weren’t doing any sort of callbacks to S1 because…it feels really forced. You can touch the robe, but it doesn't infuse you. Disappointing.

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Where have I been and how does time become smoke that drifts through the days and away? I don’t know.

Snowflake ended up, alas, being too fandom-y for me. LOL. As per my all too usual, I didn’t understand what it was. I suppose I was hoping for the same thing I always find myself in hope of here – words and community and storytelling and character building. Things that simultaneously bring us together and take one away. Kind of like the perfect definition of entertainment. Move me to the outer limits while holding me very close.

Ahem. Not Snowflake’s problem at all. Mine. And it started out quite strong for me and there were some very nice connections in the beginning, when I was actually participating. After that it seemed to slip into self-examination about one’s own fandom contributions and I struggle with that sort of fill in the blanks. For myself.

I would like to get writing again and readily admit that it’s more fun with others. Which is true for most of us and anyone who says they prefer to write alone and for themselves is welcomed to it. The rest want and need an audience. At some point in the process. And I’ve found on this platform that point is usually before during and after. Scribbling away out here and dropping the finished product in here elicits nothing. So, how do we informally gather for a witchy circle of wordcrafting? Let’s discuss. *lights smudge stick*

So, out here. We have been dealing with a lot. D’s 81-year-old mother stood on a chair in her kitchen Tuesday night to straighten the curtains over the sink. She fell and broke her hip. Of course. We found out Wednesday morning because family drama and headed out. In the pouring rain. A deluge really. Two hours down, two hours there, two hours back, and D got home and slammed three martinis in a row because family and because his mother was being wheeled into surgery when we left and it was agonizing to wait. All is well. She’s a very fierce independent woman and she seems to have her head in the game now and understands what will be required of her for the next three months. None of it easy. I think he will be going back down Sunday, after she’s been moved into some sort of rehab facility.

Now we are neck-deep back into his family drama and it’s interesting to be not blood connected, but the drama is essentially the same.

Meanwhile, my family has a stage of its own and Shakespeare’s got nothing on what is going on now. But that’s for another post, friends.

I’m reading Sharon Blackie. Watching Tokyo Vice. Crafting. Walking in the rain. We’ve made it through the longest nights and now the light is beginning to shine back into our mornings and evenings.

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Had the strange forest experience last night of being woken by a giant laying itself down. Woke the entire house, including the dog. D went out into the dark to find it because he is always convinced that a fallen tree has taken out something of value. It happens but comes with a much more devasting sound. He only hears metallic destruction, though. Huge standing dead yellow pine down by the shop. Now it’s laying across one of the drag roads and will have to be cut up sooner than later as those old logging roads provide emergency ingress and egress.

Our yellow pines are dying here. No one really knows why. When they die, they go all at once and they go in a clearly identifiable linear line. I do believe the trees communicate beneath the surface of the earth. Hate to see them leaving, but these aren’t old growth redwoods and they do have a lifespan. Most here are centenarians as this ridge was clear cut at the beginning of the 20the century.

Feeling an itch to take and share photos. Not feeling an itch to write.

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I’m exhausted and yet the day looms with all manner of responsibilities and things that need to be attended to. Including my mother. Although my local sister seems to have finally pulled her shit together, no idea what’s happening with her marriage, and has been checking in with our mother daily now instead of oh monthly. East Coast sister is losing her mind, and I don’t mean that facetiously. She’s made a nightmare of her life and is beginning to reap the dark rewards of her very bad decisions. I cannot help her. But I can stop picking up the phone only to have her rage and hang up on me within moments. She’s also beginning to refer to herself in the third person – the mom – and it’s deeply unsettling. Very Jungian, though. Guess she’s no longer a daughter, sister, wife, WOMAN. Just THE MOM.

I’m tired because I spent the past few days with Kidling1 whilst her husband spent it with his parents. We had a blast. We always do. Finished her, ahem, wedding album. Her photographer is amazing just different than me in the ways we run our business. Although I do think the biz has changed drastically and albums are a thing of the past. We want albums. It’s been two years, lol, but we finally built her album and it’s been sent off to the photographer. Now I have to finish mine.

I also got spoiled beyond belief with their high-end espresso machine. I can’t even imagine paying that kind of money for an appliance, or at least I couldn’t imagine it and now all I can do is count my pennies and fucken dream about one here. For coffee lovers…it’s the grail. This is the kind of thing Kidling1 picks up immediately and since Christmas when they were gifted said machine by his folks, she’s become a barista. I am still able to recall coffees I’ve sipped over the years all over the world and such, and these coffees will join that memory collection now.

Comments are still happening between two deep-feeling and intelligent flisters on a snowflake post of mine and now I’m trying to figure out how we can create more convos here. It’s a magic act to be sure, and I have tried in the past only to give up because the magic wasn't happening.

Also, True Detective S4 anyone?

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It’s pouring. Rain, no snow, and where is the snow? At least the higher elevations are getting dumped on and the resorts have opened here and further south in the Sierras the roads are treacherous but so so beautiful. This means we aren’t hearing a lot of doom&gloom regarding drought and fire season and all that downer crap. From my POV, the amount of information at our fingertips has definitely made the world scarier. Kidling1 no longer follows any news of any sort. And is happier for it, she says. Immensely happier. Granted she has a job that is filled to overflowing with very bad and sad things, but at least she isn’t having to grapple with tragedies that she can’t directly make better or lesser.

I was supposed to spend today and tomorrow with Kidling1, but this rain has changed our plans. Her beau was slated to take the three-hour drive down to the Bay to spend the time with his parents and now he’s postponing it. Maybe he’ll go tomorrow. Monday is MLK. I don’t know. I do think he needs to spend some one-on-one time with his folks for myriad reasons that aren’t really my business outside of being an ear for Kidling1. I have difficult in-laws. Still do. I think a lot of “in-lawing” is difficult and requires a lot of flexibility. No one is being flexible right now in her family and it’s starting to get a bit snappy. Not my story, but I do wonder if he’ll go tomorrow. I kinda think he won’t. And then I’ll miss out on seeing her before they leave for their outrageous 14-day cruise through the Panama Canal. Then they have a couples bachelor party when they get back and then that puts us into March. Sigh.

I’m going to use my unexpected day to clean house, top to bottom and put away the last of the holidays and add even more things to the give-away boxes in the hallway.

Is anyone else waiting for True Detective tomorrow?

It's beyond my ability to understand how The Cult have faded into obscurity. Perhaps it's because they were SO IMPORTANT to us death rockers in the 80s. And that Importance limited them in some psychological counterculture way I can't sort. When I think of many of those seminal bands such as Nick Cave, Joy Division, Sisters of Mercy, Death in June, Skin, etc, I oftentimes think of the rain. That's my own personal memory, I know, but still many of the songs are rain oriented.

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Watched Saltburn on my night alone. Mmmm. Outstanding performances all around, astonishing sets and visual symbolism. But a rather tired storyline? Or is it just me who is jaded and longing for something extraordinary in a story? Tossing some new culturalisms into a recognizable sinisterness doesn’t really make it fresh, does it? I think I wanted something more along the lines of Byatt’s novella Morpho Eugenia. Although what exactly, I can’t say. LOL. Barry certainly is some yummy eyecandy though. What a chameleon. And Pike is a MASTER.

So, what with all this longing for LJ of Olde, one must peer closer and say surely there’s a shadow side? Surely? And yes, there was. And I oftentimes think that the recognition of the darker aspects of the LJ experience is what keeps the current DW experience so vanilla and stale and cautious. NO ONE wants a return of the abysmal parts of LJ, but avoidance is also creating a rather dull experience here. Were there cliques, yep. Was there drama, oh hells yes, we called it wank back then. Was there histrionics and much yelling and unfriending, absolutely. Were there contingents telling you that you were WRONG even though you knew you were RIGHT, there was, indeed.

Most of what still haunts my memory of those days was the defense of the indefensible. I mean yes there were smaller things, we’ve all been left out of the kool kids klub, we’ve all been snubbed or even mocked. There was actually comms with thousands of members in which the only point was to trawl fics and mock them mercilessly. Funny, sure, but gawd, what if that was you??? Certainly, such mocking had the effect of helping writers improve their own work if you could read the “criticism” with an eye toward that. There was much sycophantic behavior and boot licking, there was active cults of personality, there was tilting against windmills, and a sense of being left out. Everything back then was by invitation. You even needed and invite code to get onto LJ, and then A03! There were writers who were good or even great but who bristled when those of us with degrees in writing and Literature would offer educated opinions. There was also a weekly drama in which someone unfriended someone else and posted the entire sordid thing on their journal and encouraged others to back them. Mass unfriendings were a thing. Locked and filetered journals became a way to make people feel left out. Before FB appeared and began to hold people accountable, there was an overwhelming amount of people misrepresenting themselves. Lots of us who encountered these people in person were left shaken. And we did run into people because there were more cons, and a desire to try to connect in “real life” whilst traveling. And of course, I’m talking negatives here. Many of us met online “friends” and loved them then and still love them today!

But back to the defense of the indefensible. Because we were pioneers of a sort, all kinds of things were given carte blanche. Very much like the American pioneer who wiped out the grizzly bear population in California. (Yes, of course I’m well well aware of a more evil wipeout, but I’m trying to keep things on a neutral level here.) In the late 1800s, grizzlies were being hunted and shot in numbers so staggering that they cannot be rectified. So, early LJ fandom was a bit like that. Those of us who tried to point out a moral unease with, say, the amount of Chan which back then meant children as sexual objects, were shouted down voraciously by people who desperately wanted everyone to be respected, people who believed that acceptance was the only way toward personal freedom. Thus began the trigger warnings and then the shouting became ear splitting.

Journalers began to create smaller and more intimate flists. Seeking out more commonalities, more singleness of mind. I think that’s why FB lured so many away during that time, because they felt safer in an environment wherein they KNEW the majority of people they were interacting with. There developed a very distinct sense that people can't be friends unless they are mirrored clones of one another.

The pendulum swing has made DW a very safe space and there’s not a thing wrong with that. I don’t want to see a return to the dark side of LJ! But when people are hesitant to share their thoughts or jump into comments or even state a personal belief, it’s because of the memory of a really ugly aspect of community journaling.

I love Tom Waits' Bone Machine and this song is gorgeous -

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Forecasted to snow today, not seeing it yet. Although I can't really see anything out the windows. We are thick in a wintery cloud. Wind woke me up before dawn and I got up and built a fire and made the coffee and perused the flist. We are still discussing DW vs OldSkool LJ in a post I made a few days back, so it seems that’s a hot topic item for some of us. The why of the differences. All of us are finding more and more concise ways to narrow it down and it seems that the point is how we enjoy our fannish things. The shift in viewing habits. Many of the things we’re blaming – platforms, scrolling, images instead of words – may not be the reason but rather the result.

What I’ve been referring to as “live”,

silverusagi better referenced as aired vs dropped. It doesn’t take more than a few moments of thought to recognize that this consumption is the root of the changes most of us perceive between LJ and DW and resultant fandom communities / discussions. And the rub is that CHANGE HAPPENS lest we stagnate and that most change is evolutionary in nature and therefore a response to some perception of improvement. (Not a hard and fast rule, but recognizable nonetheless.) Are we dinosaurs for not preferring the new standard? Are we stubborn for not embracing platforms in which this immediate gratification is played upon by fans? Is there a way in which we can accept this absorption and slow down the digestive process?

I don’t believe that this dropping is a good thing. It seems to create a gluttony that doesn’t really slow down to appreciate the nuances of the meal. The amount of work, artistic work, that goes into creating the fannish things we are drawn to is oftentimes staggering and to just let it run through us while we begin looking for the next meal is akin to addiction. Obviously, the comparison would be a book, the act of reading, but even in that comparison, if one wants to use a book as a way into fannish discussion and meta, then we have to consume it together, in small bites, and with a set timeline so that it can be discussed efficiently.

Are some of us ageing out of fandoms because of this? We prefer the old ways.

So Beefheart was a massive influence on many alt musicians. Tom Waits being one of the more accessible and sustained examples. Waits and his partner took their appreciation for Beefheart’s anti-syncopation and lyrical surrealism and created their own sound and words to a level of extraordinary accomplishment. Waits and Beefheart both began as approachable artists –

Early Don

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Early Tom

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Thought-provoking replies to yesterday’s post about fandom and community on DW – thanks all!

Snow flurries at 4 a.m. and we are back into the grind of labor. Men are gone to work, and I’m contemplating my day. My mother wants to hit Goodwill and then Trader Joes. I’m up for that, although I really don’t want / need to buy anything, secondhand or foodwise. My mother has had a stall at an antique mall for over thirty years and it’s one of the things that keeps her very busy which is a good thing for her. She does better with work and treats the stall as a job, which I suppose it is. So, for that reason, secondhand shopping with her is worth the while. I just need to STAY OUT OF THE BOOKS.

Caught Men the other night and it’s definitely modern Folk Horror and damned good Folk Horror! I have a different take on it than the reviews I glanced over….anyone here see it? I don’t think it is about toxic masculinity at all, but rather about men desperately trying to recreate themselves in these modern times and failing.

In keeping with yesterday’s video of Can’s Holger Czukay’s song, I give you Captain Beefheart and the song that broke him for myriad and complicated reasons. Beefheart, Zappa (there are more of course!) all spent the 70s trying to desperately break out of “the mama heartbeat” (Van Vliet quote) and produce something entirely different. It’s undeniable that the influence of these avant garde alt musicians affected the alt musicians who came after them, roaring into the 80s, and creating a new counterculture. Not to everyone's taste, I know, but Important.

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Reading

liriaen ’s post this am gave me permission to reference back to my sticky, complete with “self portrait”. All of which I updated for Challenge #1. If there’s something you are particularly interested in knowing, just ask!

I suppose…I’m not really talking about fandom stuff much this snowflake go-round. Am I over it? Not exactly, but DW just doesn’t have the same fannish energy for me that LJ did. I’m struggling to find fellow fans, the comms I’ve started in an attempt to do so have floundered and failed, the comms I’ve joined that are fandom specific turned out to be dead. I know that fannish things must be happening here and I’ve concluded that its for fandoms I am not familiar with. I think that the way we actually absorb things to fan about has changed drastically. No one is watching “live”, the amount we consume has become exhaustively overwhelming, active comms are a thing of the past for journaling so we can’t really find ourselves learning or educating or even flailing together as a group, commenting on fic is a distant thing of the past, and most current writers don’t seem interested in concrit or discussing fic and writing. I do still fangrrl things because of course I do! I think we all share a personality trait in which that’s simply just what we do! But I’m not writing the way I once used to when fic was a daily experience – both in the writing but also the reading! I do write for myself and if I feel inclined, I will share it here, but without common fandoms….the encouragement to keep going isn’t really a presence in the fandom experience for me.

Not trying to whine or bemoan! I’m happy that fans are finding productive fandoms. I’m not having that experience and that’s okay, too! Change is inevitable, if we want to ride a new train, we gotta get aboard. I just can’t seem to find the station.

Here's one of my favourite songs of all time:

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Finished Shetland and yes, far-fetched and an unsettling twist, but that’s not new for Shetland or most detective series. I love this show. I love the scenery and the burr, the cottages, the sheep and the shore and sea. I love all of that, but watching the finale, I realized that its Alison O’Donnell whom I adore. She oozes compassion and professionalism and it’s very soothing to watch her work her character of Tosh. I hope that the producers also see this and continue to provide a vehicle for this wonderful actress to bring this grounding character to life.

Finished 1883 and forgave it all its silliness. Because that ending – oof.

desdemonaspace , if you haven’t seen this 10-episode mini, remedy that because I think you will like it very much. I’ve got a fic on the brain needles and trying to find my way into knitting that together. We love Westerns and enjoyed Yellowstone once we accepted that we were watching a beautifully shot soap opera, so decided to start the prequel-ling. 1883 stands alone and is nothing like Yellowstone because Costner isn’t part of it and Costner’s absence draws attention to Sheridan trying too hard as writer. And it isn’t until the final two episodes that you get what Sheridan is trying to say / do with this show and I sat humbled because I’ve been saying / doing the exact same thing with my Women in the Wilds short story series and then I silently apologized to the writer and may rewatch the show again someday. If you love horses, fantastic horsemanship, gun battles and western wear, then Sheridan’s oeuvre is for you.

Caught two movies. One was astonishing and I’m still thinking about it, the other was revolting, and I wish I hadn’t watched it but obviously is art.

After Yang is so small and so fragile and so beautifully wrought a thing. Keep the Kleenex close to hand. When will we carry Colin Farrell through the streets and proclaim him the greatest actor of our generation? This movie.

The Piano Teacher is nasty, and I suppose has some sort of point to make about family trauma, but I didn’t need to learn it and now I can’t unsee it and what a turn off. It soured all the gorgeous arty human feelings I was feeling from After Yang and I was sorry to have watched it.

Now to open a word doc and start outlining 1883 fic!

In keeping with

snowflake_challenge , I think it’s no bad thing to say out loud some of the things I hope to achieve this calendar year. That being said, Winter (in the Northern Hemisphere) is a time for deep rest, contemplation, rejuvenation and DREAMING. It’s a time for working and living close in.

Hand crafts are something I enjoy, and I am doing that right now. Knitting and small dolls. I would like to continue to spend time in the newly organized craft room and return to the larger dolls and critters that used to bring me a lot of satisfaction.

I’m trying to get through my TBR pile and have put myself on a book restriction for the year, even the thrift shops. The library shelves are two deep and stacks are on the floor and window seat. I have so many great books and so many good books and lots to return to so I’m really wanting to spend this year with what I have.

A theme I’ve been working with for a while now. What. I. Have.

D and I both want to walk more daily. Currently we walk several miles a day, but in short walks with Thor. Four short walks add up, but we want to go farther. D is an avid hiker and gets his major hikes in every other weekend, and I am planning on joining with him from time to time when the spring returns. I can’t keep up with him and have no desire to go at his pace or distance, so I can set my own pace and he will catch back up to me on the return trip. I also want to return to my mat for a yoga practice.

A womyn’s circle.

More photography. Especially the Serious Child.

And writing. But that is going to be another post here soon.

And the house and property. I’m making peace with things that I’ve been railing against for a long while. We aren’t leaving this area. D has done some clearing I don’t care for. And those two things are major components of where I exist in space so I’m accepting them and finding ways to work with the facts of them. Plans for making the house more and more “me” and the outside rooms more and more “me”. A lot of that is transpiring what is in my mind’s eye to reality and that requires work and money and more of a shared vision than the two of us currently enjoy. Slowly but steadily I’m deep in the traces and hauling this thing we call home into the place I desperately need it to be.

Memorizing poetry. I used to do this regularly as a teen and then semi-regularly as a Literati. I’m currently working on the last stanza of Eliot’s Four Quartets: With the drawing of this love and the voice of this calling we shall not cease exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. (Now to check how accurate that first line is!)

Here’s to a new year!

We had a truly lovely holiday season and I’m grateful for it. Now to settle into wintertime and get back to work and schedules and so on. Of course, I’m setting goals, mainly writing. More of it, and perhaps something sustained in long form. I also have larger goals that involve the household in general and will require more than just my own brain and fingerbones. I really want to get the attic cleared, the main room reworked, and the landscaping expanded. Typical stuff, for the most part.

It’s been raining pretty consistently but no snow. That may change next week and I’m sure the ski resorts are worn out from keeping their fingers crossed and looking skyward. I’m certainly ready for it! But probably more emotionally / mentally than physically. It does end up being a lot of work.

The kids gifted us with an outdoor pizza oven for Christmas and it’s been an absolute blast! Kidling2 and I are working diligently on perfecting our pizza skills. Still experimenting with dough. He feels that the bread machine is over kneading it and wants to try it by hand. He has never kneaded any dough of any kind, so that should be revelatory.

I finished The Conjurer’s Bird, and it was okay but did end up in the giveaway box. Meh. Now onto the next book on the tottering TBR pile. I really want to get through these as a kind of self-improvement practice. Why do I keep buying books and stacking them on this pile if I’m not going to read them???

We did end up at a party NYE and it was lovely, after all. I met two women who I think would be welcomed and welcoming at a circle. I still have that plan brewing in my mind cauldron and am not sure what’s keeping me from it. I did have to unplan my plans for the Solstice because of a family situation and I didn’t feel any great loss around that until afterwards. I know I need to step back out into the world and it’s just about stepping over the threshold, eh.

snowflake_challenge

has begun, and I added a self-portrait to my sticky post yesterday. A small but satisfying accomplishment.

ps - i gotta admit, DW's coding is beyond my ken and i'm just super unsatisfied with this interface. makes me want to give up here. /grumbling

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